She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
