I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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