My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
