there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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