How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
