I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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