Please, let me fuck your mom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
