if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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