I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
