Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
