drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
