Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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