Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
