she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
