I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
