he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
