God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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