omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
