Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
