Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
