Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
