I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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