I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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