got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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