I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
