I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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