When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
