His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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