Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
