don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
