That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
