The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
