my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
