Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
