you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
