I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
