Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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