you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
