They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
