i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
