Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Randomize
