She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
