TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
