He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
