Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
