im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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