i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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