I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
