Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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