No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
