No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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