we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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