So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
