Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
