Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
