i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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