HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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