he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
