everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know her cup size but not her name....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
