I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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